lay my heart down with the rest at his feet
by teddylupin-snape
Summary: Neither of them feels like they belong - maybe it's fate that they end up together / PeterRegulus


You see him in fragments. Never for long, never truly. But he's always there, or so it seems. He hangs around Sirius nearly as much as you do, though he's always denying it. You take pride in it. Perhaps this is just some fundamental difference between the two of you.

Sirius doesn't acknowledge him. Hell, you're lucky Sirius acknowledges you. There's a nagging part of you that insists you're only Sirius's friend because you were lumped into the same dormitory. You suppose it's the same for Regulus. Is there a nagging part of him that's insistent on telling him that the womb they shared is their only similarity?

Eventually, somehow, it becomes something more than that. Not with Sirius, for either of you. But with each other. It starts as shared glances, stolen smiles when Sirius turns away. It becomes meeting privately, just talking, for a while. Then, more than talking.

You can always feel Regulus's hesitance. It lingers in the air, it sits perched on his skin, just waiting for you to make one wrong move. Everything about the environment pushes that same hesitance down your throat. You know you shouldn't be doing this, not one molecule of your body belongs here with Regulus Black.

But then he opens his mouth. He whispers words that sound like heaven and they're all directed at you. For a moment, it's not Sirius's Slytherin brother you're with. It's just Regulus, and just Regulus is leaning over your face, his black hair falling over his eyes. He doesn't move it. He doesn't need to. He can learn everything he needs about the situation on touch alone. On feeling your lips against his, on the soft puff of breath you let out as you realize what he's about to do. A blush creeps up your face, and he moves his mouth over just slightly, pressing a gentle kiss on each cinnamon-tinted cheek.

You meet him in abandoned classrooms for the rest of your seventh year. Neither of you asks what will happen when you leave school. You always assumed that you'd correspond with letters and see him on hols. You figure he wants the same.

As the months go on, you talk less. There's still so much to talk about – with a war brewing like it is, there always is. But you don't want that tension to break your peace with Regulus. You need to find some balance, and somewhere along the line, that became Regulus. The last thing you want to do now is lose that.

But then he gets down on his knees in front of you and you instinctually loosen your trousers. Every thought of anything outside this room is pushed from your mind.

After that, he rarely talks to you at all. You almost feel invisible under his touch, but in some strange way you feel like you've never belonged anywhere more strongly.

The weeks pass in a blur. Soon enough, it's June and your NEWTs are winding down.

Your friends all go outside to celebrate the end of their last exam, but it's still late spring and the rain falling down in sheets won't let you forget that. So you stay inside, find Regulus.

"Hey," you murmur once you've closed the door behind you. He sits atop the abandoned professor's desk in the empty classroom.

"Hey."

"So, umm. I'm nearly done with school now. Or, I suppose I am done. Exams are over." You pause, taking a breath and watching Regulus's face for any sign of emotion. It's blank. You press on, scared of coming across as nosy, but curious nonetheless. "Where do we stand, going forward?"

Regulus sighs. You can tell he's considering his every word very carefully. "Pete. The world is… _messy_ now. I could love you as much as it's possible to, but that doesn't change the fact that _this_ ," he gestured, "can't ever _be_ anything. I'm sorry," he adds at the wilted expression on your face. "I wish it could be different, but—"

"You don't love me." As much as you'd like it to be, it isn't a question.

He doesn't meet your eyes. You watch his calculating look closely. "I—I can't do this. I care about you Peter." Regulus's voice cracks. Despite his emotionless, steely demeanor, you can tell this is harder for him than it looks. He has too much practice at hiding it. "I really do… care."

"It's not fair." You know you sound petulant. You know it'll probably make him like you less. But you can't hold back as easily as he can.

Regulus gives a soft chuckle. "We don't live in a world that's fair, Pete. We live in this one. Just be glad your world's a great deal fairer than mine."

It's your turn to laugh. It's short and cold and desperate. "You think my world is fair? You think _this_ is fair?" Regulus just raises an eyebrow, and it kills your momentum. "I—I guess you didn't have much choice, though."

"Look, Peter. I'll make it really easy for you." You'll never be prepared for the lie that's about to fall from his lips, but you can see it coming from a mile away. "I don't love you. I never did, never will. You can do better than me, you deserve to. I need to go, and you can't follow me. I'm sorry we even started this."

And without another word, without a backwards glance or any hesitation, Regulus leaves the room, letting the door fall closed behind him.

You wish you'd appreciated what you had, at the time. You wish you'd known that it was the best it would get with Regulus. You wish you'd known how short-lived it would be. Despite his parting words, you didn't regret a thing. Your soul longed to return to that place, to feel the magic of his touch again. But there's no turning back. You're leaving Hogwarts tomorrow for the last time, and this is something you'll just have to leave behind with the castle.

 **A/N: Written for QL Round 13: Write about someone who is treated like they're "invisible" or don't belong – Prompts: (weather) rainy, (song) Good Old Days – Macklemore, (action) getting down on one's knee/s;**

 **Assignment 9: Sex Ed 1 – Write about someone refusing something significant;**

 **Writing Club – Character Appreciation 1: (era) Marauders; Disney Challenge S1: Write about someone who wants to do something but can't; Lizzy's Loft 3: (color) Black; Book Club – DeVante: (character) Regulus Black, (word) nosy, (dialogue) "[Name] didn't have much choice though"; Showtime 1: (word) Balance; Amber's Attic 6: Write about falling in love with someone you shouldn't (Bonus); Lyric Alley 9: Don't tie me down 'cause I'll never stay; Ami's Audio Admirations 11: (color) Black; Emy's Emporium 15: Write about something that's harder than it looks; Lo's Lowdown Q3: "We don't live in a world that's fair. We live in this one.";**

 **Seasonal – Days of the Year – Nov 21: Write about someone lying; Autumn Prompts: (word) Break; Color Prompts: Cinnamon; Elemental: (word) Heaven;**

 **Writing Month wc 1006**


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